Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Sex Education

Sex education, as it is understood today, was unknown until about 200 years ago. In ancient and medieval Europe sex was seen as an integral part of life, not as a separate, problematical issue which needed special study. Sexual knowledge was acquired spontaneously together with all other kinds of knowledge. Children did not live in a "protected" world of their own, but took part in virtually all adult work and leisure activities. Since the majority of the population lived on farms close to nature, boys and girls had ample opportunity to observe the mating of animals. Indeed, it was not uncommon for people to share their house with their cattle.

Neither the highest nor the lowest social classes enjoyed much personal privacy, but there was also no squeamishness or embarrassment about the natural bodily functions. Families were used to bathing and sleeping together in the nude. Courtships and pregnancies were discussed openly, and women gave birth to their babies at home. The "facts of life" were never a secret to anyone, and as soon as they reached puberty, both males and females were considered ready for marriage.

Even at the beginning of the Modern Age, when a new urban middle class started to exchange important information in print, sex was not yet treated as an isolated topic. Thus, educational books for children, like the Colloquia Familiaria by Erasmus of Rotterdam (1522), approached sex simply and straightforwardly as a normal part of domestic life, giving it no more and no less emphasis than other matters of general interest.

However, in the course of the next few centuries people adopted a very different attitude. First childhood, and then adolescence, began to emerge as special, "innocent" periods of life, in which the individual had to be shielded from the temptations of the adult world. An increasing prudery saw everything sexual as dirty and dangerous. Masturbation was discovered as a universal problem and declared a serious threat to health. By the time Jean-Jacques Rousseau formulated his "enlightened" educational theories in Emile (1762), sex had become a highly mysterious and deeply disturbing subject.

Rousseau believed that all children were born in a "natural" state of "holy innocence" which had to be preserved as long as possible. For him, sexual ignorance was bliss, at least in childhood. After puberty, sexual information was justified only in answer to direct questions, but even then it was advisable to stifle further curiosity by making the adolescent disgusted with the subject. Perhaps it was best if the educator used "dirty words" for sex organs and sexual functions and stressed their connection with the most repulsive bodily excretions. On the other hand, one had to be careful not to arouse any premature passions by becoming too explicit. Indeed, the educator always walked a very thin line. A single inappropriate remark could ruin his pupil's life.

In many respects Rousseau expressed the attitude of his age. However, there were other influential educators, especially in Germany, who suggested a different approach. While they shared Rousseau's basic belief that children were innocent, and that sex was dangerous, they saw early "sexual enlightenment" as the only effective way of combating the danger. In their opinion, sexual ignorance was even worse than sexual knowledge, because it led to harmful misconceptions and wild fantasies. Furthermore, it was impossible to fight masturbation without discussing it freely. In short, if sex education had its distasteful side, it was nevertheless a necessary evil.

In accordance with this general view, the first formal sex education classes were instituted in some "progressive" schools. These classes aimed, above all, at creating a sense of modesty and wholesome fear. Everything had to take place in an atmosphere of utter seriousness. Any suggestion of pleasure or joy was to be avoided. As a matter of fact, it was proposed that students should be prepared for a sex education class with a special and very meager diet which would weaken their bodies and thus prevent dangerous desires from being aroused. As an additional safety measure, an indirect approach was recommended. Beginning with a description of plant and animal life, the teachers could gradually lead up to the touchy subject of human reproduction. Still, they must not become too specific. It was enough to hint that women bore their children "under the heart" and gave birth in great pain.

Naturally, the danger of death in childbed could always be emphasized. In the same somber spirit, some educators also preferred to demonstrate the anatomical difference between the sexes by inviting their students to the morgue and showing them naked male and female corpses. In addition, children were taken to hospitals and insane asylums to observe syphilitic patients and madmen who were described as victims of masturbation. Some schools used books containing allegedly true reports about adolescents who had died miserably as a result of "self-abuse", in spite of the best medical treatment. Students were also encouraged to read stories about seduction, abandonment, infanticide, and similar gruesome matters. In short, the real purpose behind the whole enterprise was not so much to educate the young about sex as to warn them against temptation.

As already mentioned, these early sex education programs were developed in a few model schools, and they reached only the children of the rising middle classes and the lower aristocracy. Sex education for all segments of society was not considered until after the French Revolution in 1789. Educators appealed to the new democratic French government to make such education mandatory and especially to provide medical instruction for girls about menstruation, pregnancy, birth, and baby care. If these plans had been carried out and followed through to their logical conclusion, they would undoubtedly have accelerated the emancipation of women. Unfortunately, the revolutionary momentum was soon lost.

Not only in France, but all over Europe, the middle classes became increasingly powerful and conservative. Even the earlier limited educational experiments were abandoned. Thus, only a short time after its introduction, the subject of sex disappeared again from the curriculum.

Nevertheless, in the early 19th century, adults still had free access to some positive sexual information. Both in Europe and in America a number of serious "marriage manuals" were published, which took a very reasonable attitude towards sex and also described various methods of contraception. Furthermore, around the middle of the century, new technical processes made the mass production of condoms possible. As a result, more and more people began to plan the size of their families.

The Christian churches were, of course, well aware of these developments, but took no official stand on the matter. Even most Catholic bishops preferred to remain silent and instructed their priests not to upset parishioners who acted in good faith. It was only later, when rapid industrialization and a rising nationalism prompted governments to demand a population increase, that the churches became more outspoken. Finally, the politicians and clergymen were joined by various civic groups which feared for the very survival of civilization, and which called for a "Christian" crusade against contraception and other "immoral" practices.

In the U.S. the most successful of these new crusaders was Anthony Comstock, the secretary of the New York Society for the Suppression of Vice. Comstock had begun his career as a fighter against the "demon alcohol", but later devoted his life to the eradication of "obscenity". With his slogan "Morals, not Art or Literature", he set out to prevent the dissemination of sexual knowledge and to end all public discussion of sexual matters. His intense lobbying efforts persuaded Congress in 1873 to pass the so-called Comstock Act, which made it a felony to mail any "obscene, lewd or lascivious book, pamphlet, picture, writing, paper, or other publication of an 'indecent character' ". Comstock himself was made a special agent of the Post Office. This gave him the right to open other people's mail, and soon he was able to establish a veritable reign of puritanical terror.

In Comstock's opinion, one of the greatest obscenities was contraception. Thus, under the new law, contraceptive devices could no longer be imported or shipped across state lines, and even the mailing of contraceptive information was prohibited. As a result, Comstock could take on even the medical profession, and, like any true fanatic, he had no scruples about using immoral means to achieve his "moral" ends. For example, he or one of his followers would obtain the address of some kindhearted physician and write him a tear-drenched letter, pretending to be a poor, sick mother of many children on the verge of killing herself, and begging for some advice on how to prevent further pregnancies. If the physician responded, he was promptly arrested and sent to prison. Naturally, this also meant the end of his career. When, in 1914, Margaret Sanger started to write about contraception, Comstock had her indicted.

However, since she left the country, he could not obtain a conviction and therefore decided to punish her husband instead. Using the standard method of entrapment, one of Comstock's undercover agents succeeded in buying a birth control pamphlet from the unsuspecting Mr. Sanger, who was therefore imprisoned. For the aging Comstock, this turned out to be the last heroic deed in defense of "decency". He died before his victim had served his full sentence.

As we have repeatedly pointed out, in the second half of the 19th century, most Western nations were gripped by an unprecedented prudery. Ignorance and hypocrisy carried the day, and thus many hard-won civil liberties were quickly surrendered. The phenomenon is, of course, also known as Victorianism, after the English Queen Victoria, whose reign fell into this period. Still, we have to realize that the sexual repression was international. England and the United States were neither better nor worse than other countries. The reasons for this historical development are still not entirely clear. Perhaps it was related to the general process of industrialization.

While we do not really know why the Victorians were so afraid of sex, we nevertheless understand how this fear could spread and grow. An important contributing factor was censorship. Once the assumption had been made that children and adolescents were endangered by sexual information, the eventual active suppression of such information even for adults was only a question of time. Over the years, the public simply became more and more sensitive. The 16th and 17th centuries had produced the first examples of a special "children's literature", but even these were later found to be too indelicate. The 18th century created a "purified" Bible for children, but, in the 19th century, a second and more thorough purification was deemed necessary.

Even the traditional catechisms were no longer considered chaste enough and therefore had to be rewritten. Soon the procedure was applied to the other "classics" as well. Ancient Greek and Latin authors appeared in new, censored editions. In England, a "Family Shakespeare" was published which omitted all "indecent" words and phrases. Thus, not only children, but also their parents were protected. Needless to say, the new "adult" books had to conform to the same "pure" standards. In short, both the young and the old began to live in an artificial world from which all references to sexual functions had been removed.

On the other hand, people were secretly obsessed with sex. Since it could no longer be openly discussed, it became a dark and threatening force. Unknown dangers lurked everywhere. Even the most innocent words and actions acquired sexual overtones. It became important for any well-bred person to notice such overtones and to ignore them at the same time. Eternal vigilance was the price of chastity. Finally, "good taste" developed to the point where a "decent" citizen was expected to keep books by male and female authors separated on the shelf, thus avoiding the accusation that he favored sexual promiscuity.

The Victorian "conspiracy of silence" created an atmosphere of perpetual panic. It was generally believed that innocence, modesty, decency, and purity were under constant attack, and that any measure taken in their defense was justified, it was also assumed that whatever people did not know about sex could not hurt them. Thus, boys and girls grew up in complete ignorance about the most elementary biological facts.

Quite often, they were even deliberately misinformed. They also heard occasional vague talk about various diseases caused by masturbation. Many adolescents were subjected to cruel and useless "treatments" in order to "cure" them of this "solitary vice". Some developed such an overwhelming sense of guilt that they committed suicide. Those who reached adulthood usually remained uninformed and superstitious. Sexual fear continued to permeate their entire lives. However, there was no one who could educate and reassure them. With the acceptance of censorship they had lost the right to understand the functions of their own bodies.

Over the years, this sexual ignorance exacted a horrible price from society in the form of unhappy marriages, unwanted children, and wasted lives. Its full cost in human suffering will, of course, never be known. Still, at the end of the 19th century, at least some of this suffering was so obvious that it simply could no longer be overlooked. An ever growing number of men and women became nervous, depressed, or even physically ill because of their sexual problems, and any treatment remained ineffective until these problems were recognized.

Physicians like Freud, Bloch, and Hirschfeld, who tried to help such patients, were therefore forced to conclude that the silence had to be broken and that the time for reform had come. Thus, they began to educate first their professional colleagues, and then a wider adult public about sexual matters. Finally, when the adults had overcome their fears, adolescents and children could also again be included in the discussion. This, in turn, cleared the way for an entirely new and comprehensive approach to sex education.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Help Someone With a Broken Heart

You know someone that has had their heart broken and they are so hurt that they seem to withdraw from everyone and everything. You want to help, but you just don't know what to do. Read on for a few suggestions and tips.

Now if you did the heart breaking, that would be an altogether different situation. If you broke someone's heart accidentally, you can probably help the healing process with a heartfelt apology and doing everything in your power to make up for the wrong. If you did it intentionally, for whatever reason, the odds are unless you think you made a mistake and try to fix it, everything you do will only add to the other person's pain.

But if you are a friend, relative, or bystander who knows of someone who has had their heart broken by someone else, there are some things you can do to help.

DON'T LET HIM ISOLATE HIMSELF

You need to get him to get involved with life again. Don't let him wallow in self pity for very long. The more he isolates himself, the more walls he will build between him and every other relationship he has. It is very dangerous.

He needs to get involved with life again. He needs to interact with people. Get him involved in activities and clean social events. I pastor many people who have a broken heart in our Church and I've learned that people need to get involved in life again. They need to invest in other's lives in some way. I never recommend to a broken hearted person just to lie low. Get him involved.

You may need to be a bit blunt about it. You may need to say things like this: "Don't let what that other person did keep you from living! You're hurt, very hurt. I know you wouldn't want to wish that pain on anyone else, but staying here, doing nothing, is hurting those that do care about you. Come on. Let's get out of here."

Do whatever you need to, within reason, to get him involved in life again.

TRY TO GET HIM TO OPEN UP AND TALK ABOUT IT

So much pain is released when people are able to talk about their broken heart. If you can get him to talk, he will find a release for a lot of his pain. The problem is getting him to talk at all. He may want to so withdraw in himself that he has no interest in conversation. Or, more likely, he may fear reliving the pain if he talks about it.

He still needs to talk about it. You don't necessarily have to agree with his viewpoints, anger, or reaction, but being sympathetic is important. Allow yourself to sympathize with his pain. Tell him so. Tell him he needs to talk about it just to help rid himself of some of the pain. Explain that talking about it will help. Most likely you've suffered a broken heart yourself. Tell him about that time. Let him know that he isn't the only one that has ever suffered.

When he does start talking, you need to be a good listener. Don't interrupt, don't do the talking yourself. Learn to listen. Your thoughts, suggestions, and solutions are not relevant at this moment. Let him flush some of the pain out of his system. You don't have to have a solution; you just need to be a shock absorber.

USE HUMOR TO DRAW HIM OUT

This is something that I always try to do when I counsel a person with a broken heart. I try to get him to laugh. I may make a crack about getting a six pack of root beer, or making a run for the most broken heart award. If I can get a person to laugh, chuckle, or grin I will have broken past the pain for just a moment.

Having breeched the barrier of his pain, you are now in a unique position to help. Not only is he more apt to listen to you, but he has found a moment's relief from his pain and that is invaluable to him.

POINT HIM TO GOD

You or he may not be necessarily a Christian as I am, but having a God who loves you, a Saviour who cares for you is very comforting. Having a faith that is greater than the sum of all our lives brings tremendous hope and provides a solid rock on which to stand when the storms of life rage around you.

The great tragedy of life is having no hope. Give a person hope and he will find strength and reason to heal his broken heart.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Six Secrets of Chemical Romance

Chemical Romance is a scientific approach to seduction that reveals how to unleash the natural chemicals in the body.

Have you ever felt an instant connection with someone you just met? Have you ever fallen in love at first sight?

If yes, then you have experienced the powerful effects of chemical romance.

When you are in a heightened state of arousal your body releases powerful chemicals that produce a state of euphoria.

The three most potent chemicals produced are oxytocin, it makes you feel intense desire for the person you’re with. Phenylethylamine, gives you a sense of total satisfaction and endorphins produces feelings of heightened pleasure.

Here are the six secrets to chemical romance—now is the time to unleash the sensuality of your lover.

Secret One: Use sensual scents—fill the room with the sweet smell of your lover’s favorite fragrance perfume. Appealing to your lover’s sense of smell is a sure-fire way of stimulating the chemicals of romance.

Secret Two: Use erotic foods like chocolate that appeals to your lover’s sense of taste. Chocolate has an ingredient that releases endorphins in the brain causing a sense of pure pleasure. Feeding your lover pieces of chocolate is a powerful way of getting those chemicals flowing.

Secret Three: Use seductive lighting, appeal to your lover’s sense of sight. A romantic experience is greatly enhanced with the right lighting. A candlelit room or a room with the lights down-low conveys a warmth and softness that is perfect for romance.

Secret Four: Use romantic music, appeal to your lover’s sense of hearing. Cuddle with soft music playing in the background. Playing your lover’s favorite love song will greatly enhance the romantic mood.

Secret Five: Intimate conversation is vital to chemical romance. Stimulate your lover with mental imagery. Whisper words of love between sensual kisses. This is a powerful way to instantly set romantic feelings ablaze.

Secret Six: Use silk fabrics, appeal to your lover’s sense of touch. Moments of passion are enhanced by the feel of silk sheets caressing your skin—the erotic sensations are almost orgasmic.

The six secrets to unleashing the chemicals of romance is a powerful approach that when used correctly, can ignite the flames of intense passion and desire in your lover.

Monday, July 12, 2010

The Main Causes of Emotional Infidelity

Emotional infedility is the new fad on the internet and is appropriately entitled “cyber cheating.” Many homes have one to two computers making it easy to carry on an emotional affair without the other partner ever knowing. It's convenient, cheap and fun! A person can learn a lot about an internet stranger by communicating through a few emails, texts or chats, all without the embarrassment of meeting in person.

The sharing of personal information with strangers online is commonplace on the internet. Personal details are shared on chat boards, personal websites, blogs, message boards and porn sites.

Emotional infidelity is an infidelity that occurs through emotions, feelings or thoughts, rather than physical in nature. With the increase in technology through the internet and cell phones, the traditional term of infidelity has become broader to include thoughts and/or feelings. Emotional infidelity can include anything from texting someone intimately via cell phone to emailing intimate correspondence, exchanging personal photos or viewing pornography.

According to an on-going infidelity poll of over 1,000 women - 51 percent of women believe that viewing porn is emotional cheating. In a similar WomanSaver’s poll, 63 percent of all women felt that online affairs constituted infidelity

The main difference between physical infidelity and emotional infidelity is physical contact. Physical infidelity involves people meeting directly and then engaging in physical intimacy. Emotional infidelity can occur in distant locations with absolutely no physical contact occurring. The primary difference between traditional cheating and emotional infidelity is actual, physical contact. With emotional infidelity, there may be a meeting, but it can occur on a cell phone or a computer.

Some people who emotionally cheat don’t consider the act to be a true form of infidelity because there is no physical contact. Others see no difference between physical and emotional infidelity because emotional infidelity has the same basic behavioral actions as traditional infidelity

When actor Brad Pitt became emotionally involved with Angelina Jolie on the set of “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” it was only a matter of time before their emotional infidelity led to physical infidelity, resulting in a divorce between he and Jennifer Anniston. When a person cheats, they flirt and seduce another regardless of whether they are in physical contact or not. The problem results when the partner pays emotional or physical attention to someone other than their mate.

Over 70 percent of all women felt that emotional affairs could lead to physical affairs. An emotional affair can begin quite innocently and as time passes the information two people exchange becomes more intimate. As the trust factor increases, so does the curiosity, which many times ends up in a physical meeting.When a person is not getting their emotional needs met in a relationship, they seek it from someone who will give it to them.

All people want to be loved, acknowledged, validated and needed. Humans want to be desired. If those needs aren't getting met through their partner, they go online and find someone who meets their needs and begin cyber cheating. There are plenty of strangers online who will fulfill those needs, especially if deceit is involved. Many people lie to the online strangers in order to get the attention they think they deserve. The person may tell the stranger how mean and distant their partner is so the stranger feels pity for them. Many married people tell online strangers they are “separated” or “divorcing” when this is far from the truth

With the ease of meeting new people through the internet and through various communication devices, the number of people engaged in emotional infidelity and cyber cheating will increase. However, it is important for the parties engaging in the communications to consider the consequences and pain these acts may have on their partner. A good way to determine what is and what is not acceptable is to ask yourself if you would be okay with your partner engaging in the same type of behavior with another. If the answer is no, then you should definitely back off because emotional infidelity can hurt just as deeply as physical unfaithfulness.

The following behavioral signs are the top 10 signs of emotional infidelity. If any of these ring a bell in regards to your relationship, perhaps you are not as close to your partner as you should be.

1. You have little or no sex. Partner is always too busy or tired.
2. You have petty arguments.
3. You feel like you don’t have anything in common any more.
4. One of you is no longer attracted to the other.
5. Partner spends unusually long periods of time on cell phone or computer.
6. Partner suddenly becomes hypercritical about your appearance.
7. Partner becomes secretive or defensive when questioned about their behavior.
8. Partner loses interest in relationship or family activities.
9. Partner stays on computer very late at night after you have retired.
10. Partner secures their computer in a locked area or with passwords you don’t have access to.

If your relationship shows any of the above signs, it may be time to communicate with your partner to try to reconnect. If you don’t, this supposed casual “friendship” can quickly turn from cyber cheating into something more.

Talk to your partner and tell them what you need and want. Don’t be afraid to express your true feelings, including your insecurities and concerns. A loving mate will be understanding of your feelings and work through it with you. Tell your partner that you miss them and you need their devotion and attention. This will help reopen the communication channels.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Guidance to be the Happiest Couple in the World

The meaning of love

Love is not about what you take or get. Love is about the beneficences you give with nothing to lose. Just give away without hoping in return. If you love, you should happy when you give. Don't worry about the return that you'll get, because what you give is what you will get. Falling in love is not about the other person. Falling in love is about you.

If you want to be a happy couple, practice your love

With love, you can be a happy couple. If you want to be a happy couple, you should love yourself, your couple, & your God. Here are the love trilogy concept for you to be the happiest couple in the world.

Love Yourself


Love your self first before you love somebody else. Love yourself, and you will do & take all the good thing for you. And also, you will leave anything that useless for you. If you love your self & you want to get married, ask your self:
* Who is the right person for me?
* Does he/she have good attitudes? So, I never feel worry about our future relationship.
* Will he/she care for me?

Love Your Couple

If you love your couple, think about what you should do to give the best for your couple & family. If your couple hurt you, ask your self first, what did you do that make your couple hurt you? Then, ask your self, what should you do to solve this problem?

Love Your God

Realize that you & your couple is only a human being who can become different & die. For example, now, he is handsome, in the future, he becomes an old man. Now, he is alive, in the future, he becomes a dead man. Vice versa with she. Don't worry about that. I bring a good news for you who have a God. God have created anything pair. He has created man, He also created woman. He has brought you to life, He will also bring you to dead. So, don't be worry, He have create anything pair for you. You should love your God above all. God bless you.